“That was what made traveling appeal to him – he always made new friends, and he didn’t need to spend all of his time with them. When someone sees the same people every day, as happened with him at the seminary, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own”
Paulo Coelho ~ The Alchemist
You are the only person who gets to decide whether you need to change anything in your life, and if so, what and how. It is your life, after all. Some people are genuinely happy as they are, and for these people we should accept them as they are and be happy for them that they are at peace with themselves.
Change, after all, comes from within. No matter what external driving forces or potential rewards for change, if you don’t want it for yourself, you won’t commit to it and your efforts will eventually come to nothing.
Our friends and family are the greatest external drivers of change. Social groups are slightly different – they put pressure on us to conform and change but this is a decision we make with our eyes wide open. We are well aware that we need to fall in line to remain part of this group, so any decision to change which we make is a conscious one. We make the changes, and stay part of the group. OR…we do nothing and find a new group to join.
With friends and family, it’s not so easy because we believe that they are pushing us to change because they care and that it’s in our best interests. Maybe they can see something that we can’t?! Maybe they’ve been in a similar situation and have benefited form the changes which they want for us?! Or…maybe…and this is the part which we are reluctant to consider…maybe they are pushing us to make changes which are in their best interests, not ours.
The only way to know whether a change is in our best interests is to take some time to reflect on where we are right now, whether we are getting any closer to our goals and whether we are happy with our lives. Then reflect on the changes we are being asked to make. They may very well be for the best. Or not, but this is our decision to make.
In life, we learn and grow through the lessons we learn from others as much as what we learn through our own experiences. So, you should never dismiss another’s advice. Whether you apply any of it or not, though, is up to you. They may be advising a positive change which could really make a difference in your life. Or, they may be providing a warning that it’s time to change your surroundings and who you surround yourself with. So, hear people out and judge for yourself. Any change made should be one you want to make, and not just something you’re doing to please others.