The funny thing is when you start feeling happy alone, that’s when everyone decides to be with you
It’s great to be around people whose company we enjoy. We are social creatures after all. It’s also good, however, to spend time alone. This is the time in which we get to really reflect on our lives and whether we are happy, and look after our own needs.
It feels strange to put your needs first, and more than just a little bit selfish. It is, however, an essential part of helping others. Ask yourself, if you’re not happy and stable, how can you really help others? Work on your own life first, and once you are on the right track, then you can give your time and attention to whoever may need it.
Think about it this way. When somebody else offers advice, do you just stop and do what they suggest immediately, or do you weigh up their words against how they are living their lives? The fact is that we can’t influence or support others with words alone. We become a source of influence or inspiration to others when they see that we are living in accordance with our beliefs and values.
In order to live in accordance with our beliefs and values, we have to know what they are. That comes through honest, uninterrupted self reflection. Getting feedback from others is helpful, but it’s your own personal feedback which really matters. This is why time alone is important. It’s the time in which you get to figure out what you want from life, what makes you happy, what aspects of your life you are dissatisfied with and what you can do about them. Time alone is the time in which you can also just be yourself.
In our daily lives, many of us are expected to behave in a certain manner in certain situations. For instance, you might be conducting yourself in one way at work and then another in a social setting later that evening. As much as we try to live in congruence with our beliefs and values, sometimes we have to compromise depending on the circumstances. All of this compromising or playing a role is exhausting, though. That’s why some “me-time” is essential. It’s a period of time which you carve out of your day and give yourself permission to really relax, be yourself and recharge your batteries.
Too much time spent alone can lead you to feel withdrawn or lonely. On the other hand, too much time spent with others can lead to feelings of anxiety and pressure to behave in a certain way, to the point where you begin to forget about your own beliefs and values. That is why, like riding a bicycle, balance is essential. Spend time with others, but also carve out some private time in your day for yourself, and protect it. Schedule some “me-time” in your diary if you have to, but make sure to do it. This is one of the keys to self-awareness and genuine happiness.
As counter-intuitive as it may sound, spending time alone leads to better, stronger relationships. As you become more self-aware and start living accordingly, you become happier. As you become happier, people find themselves drawn to you. Not just any people, but those with similar beliefs and values. In effect, spending time alone in order to work on yourself leads to genuine relationships being formed with others. This brings further happiness, because you are not fighting for the acceptance of others, but rather just being yourself while being surrounded by people who appreciate and respect you as you are. It’s a win-win.
So, start spending a little time alone every day. Clear your mind and free yourself of the pressures of the outside world, while taking an honest look at yourself and your life. Use this as an opportunity to weed out all of the toxic influences in your life and relationships which you might have outgrown. Then, prepare to invite into your life positive influences and the people who respect you as you are.